Scared is what you're feeling

*Originally posted to Facebook on April 1, 2025.

Let me start by saying I'm terrified. For those that have reached out, thank you, the support and love is overwhelming.

Yesterday did give us some answers and not the ones we had hoped for. So now comes more waiting and tests to see if surgery is possible. When I have something more concrete I will share.

All I know right now is there's being with not being in control. There's acknowledging the reality and gravity of this situation and talking every possible action to fight. And the one thing I have control over here is who I'm going to be in the face of mortality, the face of fear. So the question I've sat with over the last 20 hrs is how do I want my kids to remember this time in life. I want them to know their mom fought with every fiber of her being to win. I want them to know that they can do scary things. I want them to look back and know love surrounds them when they let it in. Yes, my experience is that of being terrified and at the same time who I am about this is a force.

To be very clear, I have no plans on giving up. I'm doing all the things, I'm in communication with my team and I'm taking this day by day. Breathing is the only thing for me to focus on and continuing to do the "normal" things when life feels anything but that. And to be clear this is a steep uphill battle, but I've trained for it, I've done hard things.

Thank you for the outpouring of love and support. It's felt.